Light at the End of the Tunnel
Light at the end of the tunnel.
When Rory spoke to me about being involved with Quaker Service again I jumped at the chance. Although I was really keen I was also nervoustoo, but I have a great wee group who I love.
I really enjoyed Quakers last time I was there with the Mums Group that’s why I was bursting to get back. The first time I went to Quakers itreally helped me. I was at my lowest, I cut myself, was coming off a lot of drugs, even tried to jump off a bridge. When I think back now I’m really glad Ihad someone watching over me and I’m here today and have my two daughters back where they belong at home with me.
Recently to be honest I feel my mood very low, but I struggle through. That’s why I feel I need to come back. This group is different frombefore and I think I’m gonna benefit so much by coming.
My name is Noleen, I’m 35 from North Belfast. My problems started just after having my oldest. I was put on painkillers for back problems but then I noticed Kapak weren’t doing it any more for me. I moved onto tramadol, pure codeine, buds anything really. I lost a lot of friends due to drugs but I had enough when my friend Emma died. I had enough, I felt guilty because I was meant to call that night but didn’t. I’d hit rock bottom, I stopped talking to my family, my two girls had to go live with my mummy & daddy. Then I found my sister hanging but I got to her in time. While all this was going on my ex started sitting outside my house. I was petrified of him.
I really was at rock bottom, I felt my only way to escape it allwas to end my life.
I loved my girls but felt ashamed of the person I became. So Itried to jump off a bridge only to bust my head open. I can’t really remember as I was so out of it, my sister says I scared her cause I flat lined.
I decided once I got out of the hospital that was it. I let myself go cold turkey in the house by myself. After a week I couldn’t get out of bed.I hurt from head to toe, my skin was yellow. My sister got me to the hospital.My potassium levels had dropped so I had to stay in the hospital on a drip for two days. When I got out, I was offered a new place with a security gate so myex couldn’t get in.
This was my safe place.
I was off the tablets and started fighting for my girls. After about four years my oldest moved back in and after six years my youngest now lives with me too. I didn’t speak to my family and now I’m glad to say we have all made up. Life is good for the minute and I don’t wanna skud myself.
I referred myself for addiction counselling and I had a great counsellor. But it only lasted 6 weeks. I wish I had more, but I was busting with pride when I finished. I think there isn’t enough support for people with addiction problems. People just tend to look down on you if you have addiction problems, I think anyway.
For anyone that finds themselves in my situation please don’t be afraid of asking for help. That’s where I went wrong, I tried to hide my problems, but I feel hiding makes it worse.
If I can beat a drug addiction anyone can. I feel bad for what I put my family through. The states they seen me in. But I’m clean and sober now, hopefully we can make more happier memories now my life is peaceful.
Now I hardly go out, only to my best mates or my daddy’s. My circle is small now. I’m so glad I got a second chance at life. Me and my two girls have an amazing relationship. I’m so lucky I have these two ladies and I feel lucky also to be talking to my family again.